My Latest Writing Adventure

I just wanted to share this little story that I wrote this last week. A friend and coworker of mine had the idea that as a going away present for one of our student teachers, we should write her a story. I thought that sounded like a crazy idea because we only had three days in which to do it but later that day as I was sitting at recess the ideas started churning. In the little snippets of time that I could catch this is the story that came about with a very good editing job. It's nothing spectacular, just a little bit of fun. It was mimicking a group of books that we three had all been reading together so yes it is meant to be read sarcastically or at least with a sense of humor. Enjoy!

Hiding Cecily 

(A Reverse Beauty and the Beast Tale) 

Cecily is a kind and sweet girl but was fiercely beaten with the proberbial “ugly stick”. Reginald is a man who makes all the girls swoon but seeks for more than just a pretty face, yet not only is he a pretty face but also the kindest man around. In every sense the gentleman that leads to more than he bargained for as he searches for his one true love. After saving Cecily from a life-threatening accident, she disappears and he is left to wonder who she is. Reginald is the first person to ever show Cecily such kindness and this realization quickly makes her fall for the man she has admired since her childhood. He finally finds her in her hiding place in his own house! Can they overcome the bumps on her nose and other obstacles that will inevitably follow a marriage of such“an unlikely match”?  

CHAPTER 1: A Chance Encounter

One day while returning from a lunch meeting with his solicitor, Reginald hears the rumble of a carriage. Turning back to see what could be happening he noticed a woman starting into the street completely unaware of the danger speeding towards her. Unable to just sit and witness the disaster he saw coming he attempts to prevent it by hastily running towards the woman and snatching her away just in time.  

Expecting a bit of gratitude for this act of saving the woman’s life he was greatly taken aback by the harsh words thrown at him. Upon seeing him staring at her face she snapped, “why do you not paint a portrait of my face? It will certainly last longer”.

You see, Reginald had never laid eyes on a woman so ugly that he could not even discern her age, unknown to him; she was the daughter of his longtime housekeeper, who had kept her daughter hidden out of guilt that she had turned out looking so much like her father. 

Even though the biting words and disfigured face threatened to send a chill through him it was a look in her eye that caught his attention. This look was not of hatred or fear, but of hidden pain and rejection. Before he was able to get a word out, she was gone and he stood there, left alone with that look playing over in his mind. He wished he could find the cause and make it better… but she was gone. 

As Cecily ran from the man she could feel a heaviness settle in her chest. What had she just done! She had seen the master years ago when they were children but had been secretly hidden away by her mother. Her mother had feared people hurting her dear daughter so much that instead of giving her a chance kept her away from others in the kitchen pantry.  

Cecily had imagined seeing him again after all these years and each time could only imagine the look of horror she would see in his eyes, a look all to familiar to her. What took her most by surprise by their chance encounter was that despite her wretched face and unkind words she had said that look she was waiting to see from him never came, instead she saw a look she had only ever seen from her father and mother, a look of compassion and kindness. That’s what was so unsettling. What could a man possibly been thinking with a look like that on his face? 

As Reginald slowly continued on his way he couldn’t help but wonder who that woman had been and what troubles she had seen. True, she was no beauty and had a sharp tongue but then again, the beautiful women he was used to keeping company were boring and predictable, nothing but their beauty to write home about. The mystery woman’s words had stung like the crack of a whip but there was something about her lack of timidity in his presence that was refreshing and made him want to know more about her. 

Days went by and still Reginald and Cecily thought about that run in. Why had something so small and insignificant occupied so many or their thoughts? 

Cecily’s jobs in the pantry had started to pile up until her mother started to worry. Her usual pleasant and focused daughter had become tense and distracted. Many times in the week she had wandered into the pantry only to find Cecily halfway through her polishing staring off in to space, her face twisted in thought. 

“What’s the matter pet?” 

“Nothing Mother. Never is anything ever wrong with dear old Cecily. Always the same, never changing.” 

You see Cecily had the advantage over Reginald. She knew who he was and where to find him, but knew she could never do anything about it. Locked away alone in this dungeon, a hideous beast unable to have that which her heart truly desired. How could anyone ever learn to love someone so ugly? 

CHAPTER 2: A Discussion with his best friend, Ralph, who acts like a womanizing pimp in order to hide his identity as an international spy.

Reginald sat next to the fire lost in thought. He had been asking around town about the strange woman but no one seemed to know anything. Even calling upon his solicitor to search around had seemed more promising but had led to nothing. How could someone like that just disappear into thin air? 

“Mate you’ve been lost in this trance for days, you’ve got to snap out of it. The Knighton twins have called twice and you have turned them away and nobody turns the Knighton twins away!” 

“I’m tired of the charade Ralph. What’s the point? If I ever marry…” he stopped when he saw the glare on Ralph’s face and started over, “When I marry, it has to be to someone that’s got more than just a pretty face, someone with depth and more to offer than good genes. I want someone with sass.” 

“Sounds like crazy talk to me!” Ralph replied. 

CHAPTER 3: The Greek Myth Cecily’s late father used to tell her to try to explain why she was born with such an ugly face. He told her this to raise her spirits, and died praying she would never discover that he made it up.

Cecily didn’t know many people. While her father was alive things had been better, things had been happier. She never felt ugly when she was with her father. She imagined that she was young again and sitting on her father’s knee. He would tell her the story of his favorite Greek myth while rubbing oils in her hair to keep it from pre-maturely falling out. This was the story as she remembered it:

Cecily was a beautiful Goddess, the most beautiful in all of Olympus. She was kind and looked after all of the great and majestic animals on earth. Zeus had heard of her striking beauty and sought her out, intending to make her his wife. He finally found her on a nimbus cloud; she was singing a sweet and comforting tune to a young eagle that had lost its way in the sky. He was amazed by her beauty and begged her to marry him, for he could not live without her. She was conflicted, for whenever she thought about finding love, she always pictured herself with a man who could see past her beauty and love her for herself. Cecily knew immediately that Zeus was no such man. Upon refusing him, he became angry, so much so that he reached his mighty hand to the earth and formed a club from the mangled branch of a rotting tree. With this tool he beat the beauty off her face, leaving her deformed and ugly.

The animals would no longer seek comfort in Cecily, for her new face would scare them away. So instead, as Aphrodite was the runner up in the Miss Olympus pageant, she took Cecily’s place. The once beautiful Goddess then looked after the horny toads and three-legged animals in the world. They were very grateful for her care and loved her always. The bitterness she felt eventually melted from her heart and she was contented to look after the poor creatures that most needed compassion. She became grateful herself, for now she knew that when she found her true love, he would love her for her great personality and sweet spirit. Years passed, and she never became disheartened. She met a young God who was visiting from ancient Chinese mythology, he fell in love with her kind heart and they were forever happy.

Her own pain was lightened by the knowledge that one day she would meet her one true love she would become beautiful again. Not physically transformed but seen for her true self through the eyes of the one who truly loves her.  

Cecily had longed for that day and dreamt of meeting that one person other than her beloved father that could not only see her as beautiful but also make her truly believe that she was beautiful. She knew it was a dream unlikely to come true but that hope still lingered that what her father had said was true. Being rescued by Reginald that day had only made that hope burn brighter. He was the man that Cecily had dreamt of seeing her for her true self for as long as she could remember. There had never been any other to take his place but she knew even now that whatever hope she may have would be crushed by the cruel reality that she was born unlovable. 

CHAPTER 4: Back to Reginald, a mistake in his tea leads to discovery! Can it be? Oh yes, it’s she! Will he flee when he doth see? No, not he!

It was so unlike Cook to make a mistake but there was definitely something wrong with this tea. Not one to shy away from fixing his own problems, Reginald did not ringthe bell for Mr. Catesby, the butler, and instead went directly down to the kitchen to sort out the problem. Upon arriving he found it to be oddly quiet. Where had Cook gone? Where were the kitchen maids? Turning on his heel to investigate elsewhere he heard a clanging coming from inside the pantry. He opened the door; sure he would find Cook in there when instead he saw a woman polishing some silver in the darkness.

“Excuse me,” he started, “I was looking for Cook, would you be able to…” but stopped cold when the woman swung around in surprise, she had not been expecting company. There she was, the woman he had so desperately been trying to find and here she was of all places in his pantry cleaning his silver. 

“It’s you!” 

Cecily couldn’t get the words out to respond. What could she possibly say? 

“I’ve been thinking of nothing else since that day with the carriage. I’ve been looking all over town trying to find you and here you are of all places. What are you doing in here?” 

“My mother is Mrs. Landon, your housekeeper. She keeps me in here doing the odd jobs. She doesn’t like anyone to know I’m here.” She answered, her eyes downcast in shame.

“But, I don’t understand. How long has she kept you in here? How is it I have never known about you?” He asked.

She explained, “We met once as children but I have been locked away and hidden here since my father died when I was eight. I don’t mind really, I like having responsibilities, even a small insignificant one like this. I don’t like seeing many people.” 

“That seems so cruel. I won’t stand for such things to be going on in my own house. If you choose to stay we can give you a proper job.” 

“Oh please don’t. It’s better for someone like me to be here out of the way, out of sight” 

“Someone like you? I don’t understand” He said as he reached for her hand.

“Please sir, don’t mock me. Clearly you can see as well as anyone how painfully ugly I am.” She said as she pulled her hand away.

“I mean no harm, I assure you that looks I do not see this ugliness you keep referring to. You intrigue me, and I can see that you are kind- hearted and have an inner beauty.” He reached for her hand again and this time she let him hold it for a few moments. The following silence was broken when he asked, “Would you mind if I pulled up a chair and helped you with that silver?” Her eyes grew large and she started to object when he said, “Before you protest and say it wouldn’t be proper, allow me to remind you of who the master of this house is and gives the orders.” Reginald said with a twinkle in his eye as he grabbed a nearby chair. 

Cecily didn’t protest, she could barely even speak as she felt that hope within her start to swell. Maybe she would learn for herself the truth of father’s tales.  

"Delight In The Life You Have"

The title of this post is a quote from a talk given at a CES Fireside with Elder Dallin H. Oaks and his wife Kristen. She spoke to us young single adults as how she described herself, "the poster child of the single adults". She spoke about recognizing the blessing that this time in our life is even when it doesn't feel so blessed. Now is when we become the people that we want to be for the rest of our lives by the choices we make. We can't hang back and be angry or sad that our lives aren't we think they ought to be. If we aren't happy now we will never be happy in marriage. She spoke knowing this from experience because she was in her 50's when she married. The night of this fireside I feared that maybe she was talking to me that maybe just maybe it would be another 20-30 years before I would receive the blessings that I so wanted. Pushing aside the fear, I also felt she wasn't speaking to me in that point, that I would someday receive the blessings that I desired but if it so happened that I would have to wait longer than I would like, I would be okay.
Now I'm not saying that night changed my life. I quickly forgot the things that were taught that night and only remembered that I enjoyed the things that she had to say. But I have recently gone back and listened again to her talk and had the realization that what she taught was the exact transformation I needed in my life and that Heavenly Father had given me without my even realizing it.
I began to delight in the life I had when I moved to Logan and was surrounded by girls that quickly became my best friends, that taught me that life was great even though it wasn't always fun. If I have learned something the last year it is that life definitely isn't always easy and doesn't often go the way that we want it to but it can always be great. There can always be something to be grateful for and happy about. My life has certainly had it's trials and I have often wondered why what I wanted never seemed to be an option. But what has changed has been me and my expectations. Not giving up but looking to what I have control of in my life and making it worth while. My deepest desire is and will always be to be a wife and a mother. Giving up is not an option. I want to become a better me even if no one else cares or sees it.
So for the few of you that may read my blog I apologize that it has taken me so long to figure it out, that I have been so poor me for so long.  I have learned to "delight in the life" that I have, realizing I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be.

New and Exciting Things

All sorts of new and exciting things are happening all around. Well maybe just a few. First off I finally found a job. It took longer than I would have liked and I had almost given up when I found a school that actually wanted to give me a job. I now work at Scera Park Elementary. I have recently finished my first week and can say that it is a fantastic job. Everyone has been so welcoming and encouraging that I have found the awkward period of adjusting to a new environment almost non-existent. No awkward moments when you get that look from teachers you don't work with that says who are you and what are you doing wandering around our school. Instead I have been stopped in the hall numerous times just for people to introduce themselves and welcome me to the school. I am pretty good at my job but only when I feel comfortable and needed and I have felt that in just one week of working there.

Coming soon will be a new blog! No not another place to share my rants and raves but I am actually starting a blog testing and offering my opinions on the things I find on Pinterest. I've been working my way through several things on Pinterest and finding that some are keepers and some just definitely are not so I wanted to keep track of what was what. I figured others with less time on their hands might be interested in knowing which pins would be worth their time and effort so I am working on that and it should be up soon!

The biggest new thing is a little girl names Tamsin. I officially became an aunt 6 weeks ago and it really is as great as I had hoped it to be. I'm able to work my baby magic when it's needed and pass her off when that magic falls flat. Not to mention that she is just pretty darn cute and we get lots of cuddle time!!

Brand new Tamsin looking and smelling so good and new

A very important milestone in a girl's life
Baby's First Trip to Target

                                                         

Here she is now, just getting a little to big a little too fast

And just so you can die from exposure to extreme cuteness :) .......

Here I Am

Well I can't say that I am here with any great stories to tell or things to say but I think writing is kinda like praying; when you don't want to do it, do it anyway, do it till you want to be doing it. Now I realize that might get a raised eyebrow or two and I realize writing might not seem that important but I guess what I'm trying to say is you just have to go for it. Most of the time when I sit down to write I don't have anything specific in mind that I want to write I just have a need to have some of the thoughts floating around in my head be heard in one way or another.
One of the things that I find most frustrating about myself is my inability to speak. Usually it is nerves that rid my brain of any intelligible thoughts so I just don't know what to say but the older I get and the more confidence I gain it seems the problem isn't always not knowing what to say but finally having something to say and not being able to get it out in audible tones. It seems that even though I feel like I am speaking normally my voice just seems to get softer and softer making it, by what I've been told, very frustrating to talk to me since I can't be understood. Trust me when I say I feel the frustration just as much as those trying to listen to me, I hate that nobody can hear me. I have no desire to be a loud mouth but I would be okay with a normal voice :)
That being my greatest frustration at the moment I also got a haircut this past week that I HATE!!! It was suppose to be so cute and yet every time I look at myself in the mirror or try to do something with it I just want to cry. I don't know if I've ever really had a bad haircut but this one is definitely it. It's very sad indeed.
On the positive side I was able to get a new skirt from Target to wear today to church. I've been wanting a pencil skirt for sometime and finally found one that I love. I only had to sell my soul to my mother in order to get it but based on how I felt wearing it today, it was worth it.
Speaking of selling my soul, I have no direction in life and feel completely lost. I have no idea what I should be doing with myself or where I should be going. I'm growing an aversion to talking to people since the natural course of conversation takes us directly to this point and I feel that sense of togetherness and maturity I might possibly have given off in the conversation leading up to the point falls completely flat when they realize that in fact I'm just a big fat loser. The bumming on my parents couch, jobless, nearly 30 year old loser that I am is the only thing they can now see and so turn around and walk away. Yes I do know that is what they are doing when an other wise nice conversation suddenly turns cold but maybe here we have the culprit stealing my voice. Inside I still have confidence and know that I am in fact not a loser, struggling a bit, but not a loser. Despite some of the things I lack I believe I actually have something to offer others. I still have a desire to do good in the world and to be a better person and to befriend those around me. I'm still passionate about things even when it gets harder and harder to show it. Inside I'm sticking up for myself to all those people that turn and walk away even though on the outside I show none of that. Somehow I have got to find my voice and step out into the scary world and make a life for myself all rather daunting of course but do-able if I could just figure out how to take that first step, right now it's all just darkness.
Wish me luck!

Oh technology

It's been awhile since I have been on blogger, I guess I figured I was tired of using it as a venting session and giving the impression that it was doom and gloom all the time. My life, although frustrating at times really isn't do bad and I have actually been thinking a lot about my writing and missing it. It's therapeutic and I love it so hopefully that means I will be getting back to it. Right now I am writing from the newest addition to the family, the iPad. This is where the war begins my great love hate relationship with technology. I hate depending on something so fickle as technology but boy do I love that thrill of a new toy and seeing all the new things I can do with it. This is being written at the end of a wasted day just merely tinkering around with this here IPad and as pathetic as that does make me feel I'm ok embracing that and will begin a new journey tomorrow unsticking myself from this thing and interacting with real people.
P.s. have you ever typed in an iPad? Why is that sensation such a thrilling one?
P.p.s. I know those of you seasoned iPad/iPhone users may laugh at this silliness but maybe you remember what it was like that first time ;)

Spinning a Story

So I tried my hand at a little short story tonight and thought I would share the outcome.
For a little background information: My roommate Whitney works as a dispatcher for the campus police and while she is working sometimes we go in to visit her. Tonight just happen to be one of those nights and while she was on break she took me into one of the interrogation rooms and told me to write a confession. For your amusement and maybe because I am a little proud of it, I will share it with you all.

  To Whom it May Concern,
            I have lived with this guilt too long and must come clean. I feel as though I must confess a sin too grave to speak out loud.
            On the morning of September 23, 2011 I had just returned to my apartment at 557 E. 400 N. #3 after a wild night spent in the company of a man I considered to be the love of my life. Much to my shame and possible eternal damnation I went against my conscience to give myself completely to this man I believed to be my soul mate. It was after He took that which is most precious from me that I learned of the false pretense under which it was taken. He was not the man that I had once thought just hours before. Filled with such horror and guilt at what I had done, something dark and sinister awakened within me. 
             The smugness with which the man, nay, this beast looked at me as some animal would look down on it's recently killed prey. Prey not killed out of necessity but merely sport. What ensued cannot be given in detail, as my memory has been obliterated, but this I must confess; the life of one Leilani Rose Richens was taken by my hands. Something that was building as I left that animal to return to my now shattered life snapped as my roommate Leilani questioned me when I returned home. Instead of attacking the one I truly hated I attacked her. I was crazed and possessed by a power far greater than my own. 
             You will find her body buried on Old Main under an unmarked mound of dirt and I will be awaiting you.


And what would be a story without a picture to go along with it. Thanks Whitney for drawing it out for everyone.

Haha I promise I am not disturbed and my roommates/those around me really have nothing to worry about ;) Writing can be so fun sometimes!

What Is This Passion You Speak Of

Well as you can probably guess I have failed at yet another thing. I felt like I was doing so well in everything and one weekend ruined everything. It wasn't even anything I could have seen coming. I went home for the weekend for my little sister's farewell. It wasn't particularly rough or anything but for some reason it seems to have marked my derailment.
I mean I have been feeling kinda lost for awhile now. Not really sure what I should be doing differently to make my life more interesting and fulfilling. Trying to find out what it is that I feel passionate about.
For everyone else it seems the answer is school. Most people aren't passionate about it but they know it is something they have to do in order to do that which they are passionate about. They know in which direction to look for the light at the end of the tunnel so it seems they are able to buckle down and get it done. For others of us, of which I feel the poster child of, we aren't sure if there even is a light at the end of the tunnel let alone where to find it.
Of course there are a few things that I feel passionate about, that I love doing and that make me feel good. Unfortunately none of these things are subjects to be studied at school. I can't find any of these things in the places I am looking. I have hesitated actually forming these thoughts but I think it is time that I started acknowledging it. I don't think school is where I am suppose to be.
I hesitate for several reasons. First we have been told by a prophet that we need to get an education. Second everyone around me thinks this is what I should do, and they speak from experience, knowing that it's better to get it done now rather than wait until you have to.
The third reason is my own logic. I am 26 years old, not married and no immediate prospects to change that. I feel like I need to be doing something productive with my life and the only thing I feel is productive is using my time to get an education. I haven't shared the reason why I moved away from home to come here to Logan but basically I felt like it was where I was suppose to be. The only logical reason I could think of for that necessity was school. Attend Utah State University, that was the answer. School must be this hard because I was going to the wrong school.
How wrong that proved to be. If this is what I am suppose to be doing with my life why does it make me so unhappy? It has only become more clear that I do not want to major in Elementary Education, no big deal right? Just pick a new major. Weighing my options and researching different majors I have only become more confused into a state I can only describe as a stupor of thought. I never understood that phrase before but I think I'm beginning to. It isn't just a matter of making a decision and asking if it is right but not even knowing what decision to make. Trying to describe it would be useless I think. It feels like the light goes out on my thoughts and I can't find a way to move forward. It is a constant sick to my stomach feeling about any major I have considered.
I enjoy living on my own. I love living far enough away that I don't constantly head back to my safety net. I love that I have become confident and happy in my social life. I wish there was more to it but for once I look forward to it and instead of cowering in the corner watching others, feeling completely inadequate, I now participate with confidence comfortable with who I am. I'm not saying I'm a regular chatterbox but if I want to say something I do. I haven't had any dates yet but I'm getting more comfortable and better at putting myself out there. Maybe that's the reason I was suppose to come to Logan.
So if doing it everyone elses way isn't working what is my way? I don't know just yet but here are a few of the things that make me happy; being around other people, going to institute, cooking and trying new things in the kitchen, writing talks(odd I know but I enjoy it), taking care of others, finding opportunities to serve others. I wouldn't say that I was particularly good at any of these things but when I do them I am happy and I would consider these things to be things that I am passionate about.
So how do I go about my life doing the things that make me happy? Sound like being a mother would be the perfect fit but for some reason Heavenly Father doesn't think it's time yet so what do I do in the mean time? What is it that I'm suppose to be learning or accomplishing? What am I suppose to become in the mean time? Why are there no answers? Maybe I should seriously look into being a nanny?