I guess technically a blog is a public venue and therefore shouldn't contain ones personal thoughts for all to see but since I'm pretty sure this blog is pretty much void of readers I won't feel so embarrassed about sharing whatever I feel like :)
Today I've been feeling a little blue/overwhelmed/emotionally drained, whatever you want to call it and when I get like that I like to write. Just keep in mind this is not a poor me post, just bare with me as I get through the lame stuff before I get to the happier stuff.
I'm going to school full time and working full time this semester. The first time I have ever done that in my entire life. Other than the mission I have never been so busy and although it really isn't that bad I'm tired and desperately need a vacation. Not just a day off but a real vacation. One that requires a trip to the airport and discovering new and exciting places. Unfortunately I for see non of this in my near future.
Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I love being around kids all the time and never really grow tired of it. I love that to sixteen little kindergartners I'm the teacher not just another adult in the room. It's given me a more realistic experience to teaching and I really do enjoy it. I even enjoy being a student on top of all that. I love learning new things. Surprisingly my art class and math class are me favorite classes. So what is the problem? ROUTINE! Turns out I hate having to do the same thing day in and day out, week after week. I even hate getting up in the morning to shower for the mere fact that it's part of the routine (don't be too grossed out, I still do it cause I like to be clean).
I guess I just feel worn down, useless, an annoyance, etc. So I guess this is when I point out the many blessings that I have in my life that happen over and over and yet don't become part of the mundane routine.
In April I moved from Provo back to Orem to a basement apartment by UVU. First of all, I hated Provo so leaving was a miracle in itself but not the one I wanted to mention. When I got to Orem I just happened to be in a stake that had a Spanish branch. I was getting to a point where I was struggling with my Spanish for lack of practice, I feel silly speaking it sometimes even though that's stupid I should embrace my bilingualism(cool word but I don't know if I just made that up!). So, anyways, I decided to attend and just happened to meet up with the sister missionaries. They both reminded me so much of my companions that of course when they asked if I wanted to go out with them it was an offer I couldn't refuse. I'd gone out with the sisters before but hadn't really enjoyed it but this time was different, I had so much fun with them. Since then I have spent A LOT of time with the missionaries. Not going to lie, there is many a time I groan when I hear their special ringer but thanks to my own past experiences and my mothers people pleasing(or serving for a better word) blood running through my veins I can't say no. Literally. I can think it but I can't say it. It takes up a lot of my time, sometimes all of my 'free time' but it has always been worth it.
I don't say these things to show you just how cool I am (cause we know that would be a lie) but it's one of my miracles. There has been one consistent sister this whole time, Sister Ordonez, from Arizona. We have become pretty good friends, the kind that share secrets, frustrations and good laughs. Friends are few and far between for me lately and her friendship has been a highlight in my life. Having a friend to talk to is priceless. It brings life into perspective and takes the edge off and I'm grateful for that. Not to mention missionaries get to meet some pretty great people.
The next one I like to call the miracle of the never ending shampoo bottle. The one thing that I really dislike about my job is having the summers off. It's great for a little while but then once the boredom sets in it's not that great. The real clincher, though, is money. Three months with out a paycheck is rough and requires a whole semester to recover. To add insult to injury this summer I also had a car payment, insurance and rent. Three expenses I've never had before. It's a constant stress in my life that still plagues me. Have you ever felt guilty for buying groceries? That's just wrong! A person should be able to buy food, even if it's just the boring basics, without guilt. Needless to say I really don't buy much these days in the food department but especially in the truly frivolous things like shampoo and face wash. Without exaggerating, the shampoo that I have now I bought two weeks before Christmas last year and it's not even a huge bottle(the exact same as the bottle above). A couple of months ago I thought I would have to splurge and buy some because it was getting pretty low but somehow there always seems to be enough. Same with my facial soap. I have to squeeze the dickens out of it every morning but somehow ever time, I get out the exact amount that I need. I've been squeezing for three weeks now!! I guess the same thing happens with my gas. I do alot of driving what with the missionaries and just what I would normally do and even though my gas pointer (for lack of a better vocabulary, I had to use the technical term) is always hovering around a fourth of a tank somehow I can keep going.
Even though it would be nice if someone would come along and give me a hand full of cash I don't think that would be as faith building and life lesson teaching as what I have been given.
Someone (and we all know who) is taking care of me.
Sorry this post is super long but I just thought I would share a couple of my aha miracle moment with you all. I'm probably not done though but I will be for now :)
