HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Well here we are at the end of a so-so year, yeah!!

I don't like being a Debbie Downer but this is one day that I'm just not that fond of. I love the prospect of a new year and all that it may hold but I just find tonight kind of depressing. Maybe it's because I always feel like I have just let life pass me by. I'm young, single and working, I should be taking advantage of that and having a lot more adventures then I tend to have.

I've had a pretty great vacation relaxing and recovering but as I sit here it just gets more and more depressing.

But...moving on, I'm really excited for this year. It may sound kinda strange but I'm really think this year is going to be a good one. Maybe even a great one. No specific reason to think that but I've been looking forward to 2010 for awhile. I thought maybe it had to do with the number, something about multiples of 5 (just a slight OCD thing) that I like :) Although I'm going to trust my instinct on this one and continue to believe this year is going to start the decade off right.

If I Were Rich

Everyone has fantasies of what they would do if they just fell into a fortune. I usually don't play through such hopeless games because really, what's the point? But. . . let's just pretend that it did happen and I just received a whole lot of money, what would I do? I would travel. I love getting to know new places and new people.

The only thing is I hate is being a tourist. Let's face it, if you are visiting someplace everyone else is going, is it really special? As cool as seeing the Eiffel Tower or surfing in Hawaii would be, anyone can do that. Being a tourist restricts you to seeing but not experiencing. I want to experience!

So, if I had lots of money I would want to travel to third world countries and serve the wonderful people there. I want to live among the people. That may seem a little strange maybe a little hippyish I don't know but I blame it on the mission.

By living in Ecuador I was able to know the people, see the places away from the world and get to know the real Ecuador rather than just the cool touristy things. It's because of this, I believe that I have such a great love of Ecuador and latin people in general that definitely wasn't there before. Something takes over me when I'm away from home and serving others. I become the person that I've always wanted to be. I become brave, outgoing, diligent, hardworking and happier than ever.

I become more Christlike and that doesn't just make me feel good but those around me benefit as well. Now it may have just been the missionary calling that made all that happen to me but it's going to be a while before I serve another mission so this is what I would like to do in the meantime.

I want to travel to Africa to build houses or schools or whatever.

I want to travel to Asia to teach English.

I want to travel to South American orphanages

to make a differences.

It really doesn't even matter I just want to go and serve those that could use my help. I don't have that much to offer except for a lot of love which I think is important.

Unfortunately even good intentions cost money.

Glee

If you have never watch the show Glee you will have no appreciation for how great this moment was. It may have just been one of the best finales I've seen but then that may just be the hopeless romantic in me.

Finally done, through, finished, finito, free... anyway you to say it, it means the same!!

WHAT?

This is my last class related entry and I could be happier about that.

This week we just worked on our final which I still have a ways to go before I am finished with it,

it means that we are almost done. For our final we have to write two "chunky monkey" lesson plans on how we are going to teach

one of our core curriculum objectives using technology. This has been a very informative class and I have enjoyed learning about all

of the different technologies there are out there and all the fun things you can do with them. The only thing is that it is stressful so

I am so ready to be done, no offense to anyone is intended.

SO WHAT?

We have spent the past semester learning all of these new and maybe not so new things that can make our classrooms more exciting and

appropriate for the digitally native kids that will be coming through our classrooms and I'm grateful that for our final we are using

the basics the things that no matter where we end up and what circumstances we find ourselves in in the future we will need to know

and use on a regular basis.

NOW WHAT?

Now I am going to dedicate the next few days to coming up with a couple of great lesson plans that will rock your socks (positive

thinking can't hurt any) so that I can feel good about the work I have put in to learn a completely foreign subject be better the learning

experience of my students.

Two Years!!!

I can hardly believe that yesterday I celebrated my two year anniversary of being home from my mission. It feels like it couldn't possibly have been that long but then again it's kinda surprising that it's only been that long.
Sometimes I feel a little sad that I don't have much to show for these two years. I really haven't been too productive but I feel that it's getting better. For the first time since I've been home I'm actually grateful to be home. I loved my mission and everything about it but it sure made it hard to come back to real life. I've had to learn all of those things over again which has been an up and down road. I had to learn how to be confident again which was the greatest thing I learned and the hardest thing to lose when I came home. I thought it was gone for good but have found in these last few months that it wasn't gone for good I just had to learn how to use it in real life. I had months where I thought I had finally adjusted but then in a moment became painfully aware that I had not. I think I finally reached that moment last year on my anniversary.
Suddenly I felt different, adjusted, comfortable in what life was now. I think this past year was just getting myself worn in. I feel like I have become a balance between the confident happy person that I learned to be on the mission and the normal person that functions in society :)
I am loving my work and feel pretty good about going to school, overall I would say I'm pretty happy! Tired but happy :)
With that said, I feel as though something's missing.

Kindergarten

Aren't they just so cute. This is the best hour and a half of my day and a great reminder of what I am working for. I love these kids!!!

Do I Believe in Destiny?

Well technically I would say no but my real questions is, am I destined to be a loser the rest of my life?

I mean really, what am I good at? Nothing. It's true that I'm not horrible at everything but do I have any special gifts and talents to boast about? If we are talking about school I think the answer to that would have to be a big fat NO. I've always enjoyed school for the most part but I've never been very good at it. I've never had grades to write home about but lately things have taken a dramatic turn for the worst.

One of the lessons that I learned thanks to the mission was that I can do hard things. So with that same attitude I tend to sign up for potentially fun classes that will be new and exciting. Last year it was advanced Spanish (I spoke the language fluently, sounds like a recipe for success to me!), this semester it's group piano (people make it look so easy!) but sadly they both have gotten the better of me.

I failed so miserably at Spanish that I ended up quitting about a month before finals thinking I was having a mental/emotional breakdown, maybe even losing my mind. I didn't want to quit that close to the end after putting in a semesters worth of work but I seriously couldn't go on.

Piano has proved to be the one class too many for me this semester. I don't want to be a quitter. I want to prove that I can still do hard things. Unfortunately, this class benefits me in no way and I'm so miserable and there is no way I can finish all that is required in the two class periods left (I don't even know what some of the assignments mean) so once again I have proven to be a failure. I can't stick through it, I can't succeed. Potentially this may even prolong may wait to get into the education program (they want hard working smart people) and yet here I sit in the next building over while class is getting started, blogging. Am I really, truly okay with that? Yes, I think I am.

I want to succeed in life but sometimes it's okay to fail as long as I don't let it stop me from doing what I want to do with me life. It makes me feel lousy but I'm only giving up on one class not life, right!

Now, I just need to learn how to tone down the drama :)

Recurring Miracles

I guess technically a blog is a public venue and therefore shouldn't contain ones personal thoughts for all to see but since I'm pretty sure this blog is pretty much void of readers I won't feel so embarrassed about sharing whatever I feel like :)

Today I've been feeling a little blue/overwhelmed/emotionally drained, whatever you want to call it and when I get like that I like to write. Just keep in mind this is not a poor me post, just bare with me as I get through the lame stuff before I get to the happier stuff.

I'm going to school full time and working full time this semester. The first time I have ever done that in my entire life. Other than the mission I have never been so busy and although it really isn't that bad I'm tired and desperately need a vacation. Not just a day off but a real vacation. One that requires a trip to the airport and discovering new and exciting places. Unfortunately I for see non of this in my near future.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I love being around kids all the time and never really grow tired of it. I love that to sixteen little kindergartners I'm the teacher not just another adult in the room. It's given me a more realistic experience to teaching and I really do enjoy it. I even enjoy being a student on top of all that. I love learning new things. Surprisingly my art class and math class are me favorite classes. So what is the problem? ROUTINE! Turns out I hate having to do the same thing day in and day out, week after week. I even hate getting up in the morning to shower for the mere fact that it's part of the routine (don't be too grossed out, I still do it cause I like to be clean).

I guess I just feel worn down, useless, an annoyance, etc. So I guess this is when I point out the many blessings that I have in my life that happen over and over and yet don't become part of the mundane routine.

In April I moved from Provo back to Orem to a basement apartment by UVU. First of all, I hated Provo so leaving was a miracle in itself but not the one I wanted to mention. When I got to Orem I just happened to be in a stake that had a Spanish branch. I was getting to a point where I was struggling with my Spanish for lack of practice, I feel silly speaking it sometimes even though that's stupid I should embrace my bilingualism(cool word but I don't know if I just made that up!). So, anyways, I decided to attend and just happened to meet up with the sister missionaries. They both reminded me so much of my companions that of course when they asked if I wanted to go out with them it was an offer I couldn't refuse. I'd gone out with the sisters before but hadn't really enjoyed it but this time was different, I had so much fun with them. Since then I have spent A LOT of time with the missionaries. Not going to lie, there is many a time I groan when I hear their special ringer but thanks to my own past experiences and my mothers people pleasing(or serving for a better word) blood running through my veins I can't say no. Literally. I can think it but I can't say it. It takes up a lot of my time, sometimes all of my 'free time' but it has always been worth it.

I don't say these things to show you just how cool I am (cause we know that would be a lie) but it's one of my miracles. There has been one consistent sister this whole time, Sister Ordonez, from Arizona. We have become pretty good friends, the kind that share secrets, frustrations and good laughs. Friends are few and far between for me lately and her friendship has been a highlight in my life. Having a friend to talk to is priceless. It brings life into perspective and takes the edge off and I'm grateful for that. Not to mention missionaries get to meet some pretty great people.

The next one I like to call the miracle of the never ending shampoo bottle. The one thing that I really dislike about my job is having the summers off. It's great for a little while but then once the boredom sets in it's not that great. The real clincher, though, is money. Three months with out a paycheck is rough and requires a whole semester to recover. To add insult to injury this summer I also had a car payment, insurance and rent. Three expenses I've never had before. It's a constant stress in my life that still plagues me. Have you ever felt guilty for buying groceries? That's just wrong! A person should be able to buy food, even if it's just the boring basics, without guilt. Needless to say I really don't buy much these days in the food department but especially in the truly frivolous things like shampoo and face wash. Without exaggerating, the shampoo that I have now I bought two weeks before Christmas last year and it's not even a huge bottle(the exact same as the bottle above). A couple of months ago I thought I would have to splurge and buy some because it was getting pretty low but somehow there always seems to be enough. Same with my facial soap. I have to squeeze the dickens out of it every morning but somehow ever time, I get out the exact amount that I need. I've been squeezing for three weeks now!! I guess the same thing happens with my gas. I do alot of driving what with the missionaries and just what I would normally do and even though my gas pointer (for lack of a better vocabulary, I had to use the technical term) is always hovering around a fourth of a tank somehow I can keep going.

Even though it would be nice if someone would come along and give me a hand full of cash I don't think that would be as faith building and life lesson teaching as what I have been given.

Someone (and we all know who) is taking care of me.

Sorry this post is super long but I just thought I would share a couple of my aha miracle moment with you all. I'm probably not done though but I will be for now :)

I Want to Live Here

Lexington, Virginia

Why? I don't know. Before today I hadn't even heard of it but as I was doing some Internet

browsing today MSN had a little slide show about the coolest small towns and this was one of them.

What is so special about that? Well, I LOVE small towns, you know the ones where everyone knows everyone, kids can ride their bikes and play outside all summer, where you can have a garden and a bigger yard and their just super cute. It is my dream to live in a cute little town like that.

I often wonder if it would drive me crazy because I love the convenience of living in a decent sized city with so much shopping close at hand but I would definitely be willing to give it up and try the small town life. I've only been to Virginia once and it was on the opposite side for only for about 5 days but very quickly I fell in love with Virginia. It's green and lush and beautiful and even though I love Utah and can't imagine a need to move across the country I want to just to live in Virginia. I even looked up the school districts and found a church building, just to make sure :) The good news is that the school have good reviews and have really cute names and their is a church right there in Lexington so it all set :) I

figure as soon as I graduate I can apply to any school anywhere so a girl can dream can't she!

Anyway, it's completely random but it just got me thinking and wishing and hoping....

Oh, my second choice was Rockland, Maine but I'm not sure the coast is my thing and it might get a little too cold for me so I'll stick with dreaming about Virginia.

Ode to My Childhood aka Video Downloads

WHAT?

This week we learned how to download videos from the internet to use in our classes. Our assignment this week was to post two different videos. I chose these videos because I thought it was cool to talk a walk down memory lane to some of my favorite shows I watched when I was little. The Miley Cyrus video was just a quick one I chose while in class but couldn't get it to delete.

SO WHAT?

The reason why it's important to know this is because many times you will find a video on YouTube or some other site like that, that will work perfectly for something you are teaching but if your not prepared they may just take the video down before you are able to use it and therefore your lesson plan is ruined. The internet is an unpredictable place so it is good to have things in a secure place in order to use them in the future not only once but for many years.

NOW WHAT?

I really enjoy using YouTube and now TeacherTube, not only does it give some diversity in the ways you teach but it just fun to have a little video to introduce a theme or a subject. It's a great tool to know how to save it on your computer and have the resource for years to come. Will I use this in my classroom? Absolutely.

VIDEO

The video this week called "Millennial Generation", it is a video asking high school kids questions about technology. It was kind of interesting to watch because it is similar to what I feel everyday listening to the kids in my school. Gone are the days of dolls and toy cars everything on kids wish lists now are electronics. In one way it is kind of exciting but on the other hand it can be a bit scary because we have the knowledge to do just about anything, it is just a matter of when. This video shows that it's important to embrace technology rather than shy away from it in fear. This is the only thing that kids know and will ever know in the future so us as teacher, parents or just other people in the world need to know what is out there and how it works to not only protect ourselves and our children but to use it for good and get the most out of it.

Starting a New Great Adventure

I really do enjoy writing things down but this blogging thing is proving to be quite the challenge. I guess I'm just kind of afraid of revealing myself to much but since not many people even know this blog exists I guess it's a pretty safe place to vent frustrations, reveal fears and share the fun things that happen in life.
School (and by that I mean work) starts in two days and I can hardly wait. I like normalcy and a set schedule. I like having something I can count on and look forward to. I'm probably the only person the doesn't like Saturdays and summer breaks for the sole purpose that I hate having time to do nothing.
This year though I am starting a new project. I have worked at Sharon Elementary for about 5 years. Three years before the mission and now going in to my second since I've been home. I started working through the America Reads Program as a regular aide. This last year I worked as a Special Ed aide and really enjoyed it. It was a lot of work and a bit exausting but it was very rewarding not to mention the fact that I got out of the dreaded playground duty :) I was planning on going back to that this year but got a call from our principal with a new opportunity. I didn't really understand what I would be doing and still don't know exactly but I accepted on blind faith thinking that she was offering me something better. I will now be working for the Americorps Literacy Initiative.
This means that I will be recuiting volunteers, training them, collecting data, participating in many service projects and attending meetings and study groups. The scariest part is that I don't even now how do do all of that but instead of looking at the big picture I'll just take it day by day and hopefully it will all be okay.
To add to the stress of not knowing how that is all going to work I am also going to school full time. I had planned on finishing up my associates degree this fall and start the education program in spring but now. . . I guess I'll just finish up this semester, take some easy classes next semester to keep my financial aide and help raise my gpa. I'll give my all on the job this last year and pray that I will get accepted to the program for next fall.
Why am I willing to put off school for another year to work? This is going to look pretty good on my resume and will give me a $2,300 tuition credit next year. It's a huge blessing if I can keep my cool and do a good job. That would be why I'm totally freaked out, I have a history of not handling stress very well and in return always screwing things up.
Everything is always scarier and bigger in my imagination though so all I can do is do everything that is required of me and hope for the best. And remember to breath :)