"Delight In The Life You Have"

The title of this post is a quote from a talk given at a CES Fireside with Elder Dallin H. Oaks and his wife Kristen. She spoke to us young single adults as how she described herself, "the poster child of the single adults". She spoke about recognizing the blessing that this time in our life is even when it doesn't feel so blessed. Now is when we become the people that we want to be for the rest of our lives by the choices we make. We can't hang back and be angry or sad that our lives aren't we think they ought to be. If we aren't happy now we will never be happy in marriage. She spoke knowing this from experience because she was in her 50's when she married. The night of this fireside I feared that maybe she was talking to me that maybe just maybe it would be another 20-30 years before I would receive the blessings that I so wanted. Pushing aside the fear, I also felt she wasn't speaking to me in that point, that I would someday receive the blessings that I desired but if it so happened that I would have to wait longer than I would like, I would be okay.
Now I'm not saying that night changed my life. I quickly forgot the things that were taught that night and only remembered that I enjoyed the things that she had to say. But I have recently gone back and listened again to her talk and had the realization that what she taught was the exact transformation I needed in my life and that Heavenly Father had given me without my even realizing it.
I began to delight in the life I had when I moved to Logan and was surrounded by girls that quickly became my best friends, that taught me that life was great even though it wasn't always fun. If I have learned something the last year it is that life definitely isn't always easy and doesn't often go the way that we want it to but it can always be great. There can always be something to be grateful for and happy about. My life has certainly had it's trials and I have often wondered why what I wanted never seemed to be an option. But what has changed has been me and my expectations. Not giving up but looking to what I have control of in my life and making it worth while. My deepest desire is and will always be to be a wife and a mother. Giving up is not an option. I want to become a better me even if no one else cares or sees it.
So for the few of you that may read my blog I apologize that it has taken me so long to figure it out, that I have been so poor me for so long.  I have learned to "delight in the life" that I have, realizing I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be.

New and Exciting Things

All sorts of new and exciting things are happening all around. Well maybe just a few. First off I finally found a job. It took longer than I would have liked and I had almost given up when I found a school that actually wanted to give me a job. I now work at Scera Park Elementary. I have recently finished my first week and can say that it is a fantastic job. Everyone has been so welcoming and encouraging that I have found the awkward period of adjusting to a new environment almost non-existent. No awkward moments when you get that look from teachers you don't work with that says who are you and what are you doing wandering around our school. Instead I have been stopped in the hall numerous times just for people to introduce themselves and welcome me to the school. I am pretty good at my job but only when I feel comfortable and needed and I have felt that in just one week of working there.

Coming soon will be a new blog! No not another place to share my rants and raves but I am actually starting a blog testing and offering my opinions on the things I find on Pinterest. I've been working my way through several things on Pinterest and finding that some are keepers and some just definitely are not so I wanted to keep track of what was what. I figured others with less time on their hands might be interested in knowing which pins would be worth their time and effort so I am working on that and it should be up soon!

The biggest new thing is a little girl names Tamsin. I officially became an aunt 6 weeks ago and it really is as great as I had hoped it to be. I'm able to work my baby magic when it's needed and pass her off when that magic falls flat. Not to mention that she is just pretty darn cute and we get lots of cuddle time!!

Brand new Tamsin looking and smelling so good and new

A very important milestone in a girl's life
Baby's First Trip to Target

                                                         

Here she is now, just getting a little to big a little too fast

And just so you can die from exposure to extreme cuteness :) .......

Here I Am

Well I can't say that I am here with any great stories to tell or things to say but I think writing is kinda like praying; when you don't want to do it, do it anyway, do it till you want to be doing it. Now I realize that might get a raised eyebrow or two and I realize writing might not seem that important but I guess what I'm trying to say is you just have to go for it. Most of the time when I sit down to write I don't have anything specific in mind that I want to write I just have a need to have some of the thoughts floating around in my head be heard in one way or another.
One of the things that I find most frustrating about myself is my inability to speak. Usually it is nerves that rid my brain of any intelligible thoughts so I just don't know what to say but the older I get and the more confidence I gain it seems the problem isn't always not knowing what to say but finally having something to say and not being able to get it out in audible tones. It seems that even though I feel like I am speaking normally my voice just seems to get softer and softer making it, by what I've been told, very frustrating to talk to me since I can't be understood. Trust me when I say I feel the frustration just as much as those trying to listen to me, I hate that nobody can hear me. I have no desire to be a loud mouth but I would be okay with a normal voice :)
That being my greatest frustration at the moment I also got a haircut this past week that I HATE!!! It was suppose to be so cute and yet every time I look at myself in the mirror or try to do something with it I just want to cry. I don't know if I've ever really had a bad haircut but this one is definitely it. It's very sad indeed.
On the positive side I was able to get a new skirt from Target to wear today to church. I've been wanting a pencil skirt for sometime and finally found one that I love. I only had to sell my soul to my mother in order to get it but based on how I felt wearing it today, it was worth it.
Speaking of selling my soul, I have no direction in life and feel completely lost. I have no idea what I should be doing with myself or where I should be going. I'm growing an aversion to talking to people since the natural course of conversation takes us directly to this point and I feel that sense of togetherness and maturity I might possibly have given off in the conversation leading up to the point falls completely flat when they realize that in fact I'm just a big fat loser. The bumming on my parents couch, jobless, nearly 30 year old loser that I am is the only thing they can now see and so turn around and walk away. Yes I do know that is what they are doing when an other wise nice conversation suddenly turns cold but maybe here we have the culprit stealing my voice. Inside I still have confidence and know that I am in fact not a loser, struggling a bit, but not a loser. Despite some of the things I lack I believe I actually have something to offer others. I still have a desire to do good in the world and to be a better person and to befriend those around me. I'm still passionate about things even when it gets harder and harder to show it. Inside I'm sticking up for myself to all those people that turn and walk away even though on the outside I show none of that. Somehow I have got to find my voice and step out into the scary world and make a life for myself all rather daunting of course but do-able if I could just figure out how to take that first step, right now it's all just darkness.
Wish me luck!

Oh technology

It's been awhile since I have been on blogger, I guess I figured I was tired of using it as a venting session and giving the impression that it was doom and gloom all the time. My life, although frustrating at times really isn't do bad and I have actually been thinking a lot about my writing and missing it. It's therapeutic and I love it so hopefully that means I will be getting back to it. Right now I am writing from the newest addition to the family, the iPad. This is where the war begins my great love hate relationship with technology. I hate depending on something so fickle as technology but boy do I love that thrill of a new toy and seeing all the new things I can do with it. This is being written at the end of a wasted day just merely tinkering around with this here IPad and as pathetic as that does make me feel I'm ok embracing that and will begin a new journey tomorrow unsticking myself from this thing and interacting with real people.
P.s. have you ever typed in an iPad? Why is that sensation such a thrilling one?
P.p.s. I know those of you seasoned iPad/iPhone users may laugh at this silliness but maybe you remember what it was like that first time ;)