My Favorite Thing

I have a certain accessory that I love to wear above all others. When I wear it it makes me feel classy and feeling classy makes me feel confident. What’s the correlation there? I’m not sure but it’s true. When I need that extra little boost of confidence I always want to wear them and everything else feels pretty good.

I’m talking about my pearls. They certainly aren’t real or anything but I love them. Never has six dollars been so well invested. 

Why Are We So Afraid?

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and 

of love, and of a sound mind”

I hope you will excuse me for a moment as I wax philosophical but I've been thinking about this and wanted to talk about it. 

Why is it that we hold ourselves back from what we really want to do and be because we are afraid? Why is it easier and more comfortable to sit back in the shadows watching life pass you by rather than grabbing the bull by the horns and living your life and making things happen?

I am the one cowering in the shadows more often than not but more and more lately I'm wondering why?

What is wrong with telling people what you really think and feel? What's wrong with asking people how their lives are going? Now I'm not talking about all becoming stalkers and Nosy Noras or telling people they are ugly butt-heads but opening your mouth once in a while and letting people know that you care is something that I think we need more of. 

On my mission I became that sort of person. The one that could tell it to you straight and wasn't afraid of anything (for the most part) and it was liberating. Gone were the days of wanting to say something or ask a question but not being able to open my mouth. They were gone but not for good, coming home brought back the days of being too afraid. It really was one of the things I missed the most but have noticed that the more confidence I get in life the more it's coming back! 

Now it's not all great because I'm sure I've burned a bridge or two and more than one person probably thinks I'm pretty weird but why should I be to afraid to be myself because of those people? 
I used to be embarrassed to have a blog but now I love it. That's liberating. I do things because I want to not because I feel obligated to others. That's liberating. I'm who I want to be not what I think I should be to please others and that's liberating! 
Don't get me wrong there's many things I want to say and do that I keep inside because of fear and there is some of my innocence that I miss. Life is hard and there are countless opportunities to get burned but maybe if we just trusted that things will work out for our good, embarrassing moments and all, life would be great not just good. And I may be wrong but after some time we will most likely laugh about it more often than cry about it and that doesn't seem like such a bad deal. Just remember to act out of love :)

I Swear I'm Not Bipolar

If you are a regular reader of this blog you will probably be ready to start shaking me and yelling, 

"Make Up Your Mind Already!!!!" 

I realize that starting a new schedule can be a love-hate relationship but my pendulum is swinging to both ends of the spectrum on a weekly basis and I've only been in school for two and a half weeks!!

Now this is not a declaration that I love my job again but merely that I have had a fantastic week and I feel "muy contenta"! For those of you that don't speak Spanish you will just have to trust me on this one cause it's the only way to say how I feel. No English word I've thought of gives me the same satisfaction, even the direct translation :)

The reason why is simply because I was productive, social, and outgoing. Traits I've seen before but not usually all together! I've gone to activities, made new friends, socialized with the not so new ones, done laundry and washed my car!

I've come to terms with where I am at in life and that feels really good. It's been awhile and I missed it. I've felt guilty that I'm not going to school and guilty that I'm only working one job and have so much free time. I've felt pathetic that I'm twenty-five years old and living at home.

But, this week I have been free of the guilt and feelings of inferiority and even though it doesn't seem like much I feel that I'm doing exactly what I'm suppose to be doing with my life right now.

Until I figure out what I really want to do in life there is no point in racking up debt and making myself miserable. Being done with work at 3:30 allows me time to do things for others and to socialize which is the first time I have ever wanted to do that :)

Also living at home not only saves me mucho dinero but it allows me to attend a ward that not only I enjoy and feel I belong in but know it's where I'm suppose to be.

I don't know what I was doing with my life for the past two years but it's the first time in a long time that I've felt like this and even if it isn't much I feel like I'm progressing in life and that's a good feeling!

I've missed that!!

A Travesty for Sure!!

I have become more of a normal person!! I know poor me. Just a few post ago I was saying how I didn't like my summer vacations and I liked working so I could have a schedule. I don't know what it was that changed but something did so subtly I didn't even notice until I went back to work. Since that fateful day everything inside me screams NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! whenever I drive up to the school and lasts at least until lunchtime. 

I've always been one to love my job and by love I mean LLLOOOVVVEEE my job! I'm always sad when school gets out in May and count down the days till it starts again in August. Not this year. I counted down the days till school got out in May and was sad when school started up again in August. 

Just as every day gets better as it goes on I'm sure the year will get better as it goes. I should try not to be so feisty and I'm sure that will help. I'll report more later when I'm sure life will be happier and once again I will love my job!