HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Well here we are at the end of a so-so year, yeah!!

I don't like being a Debbie Downer but this is one day that I'm just not that fond of. I love the prospect of a new year and all that it may hold but I just find tonight kind of depressing. Maybe it's because I always feel like I have just let life pass me by. I'm young, single and working, I should be taking advantage of that and having a lot more adventures then I tend to have.

I've had a pretty great vacation relaxing and recovering but as I sit here it just gets more and more depressing.

But...moving on, I'm really excited for this year. It may sound kinda strange but I'm really think this year is going to be a good one. Maybe even a great one. No specific reason to think that but I've been looking forward to 2010 for awhile. I thought maybe it had to do with the number, something about multiples of 5 (just a slight OCD thing) that I like :) Although I'm going to trust my instinct on this one and continue to believe this year is going to start the decade off right.

If I Were Rich

Everyone has fantasies of what they would do if they just fell into a fortune. I usually don't play through such hopeless games because really, what's the point? But. . . let's just pretend that it did happen and I just received a whole lot of money, what would I do? I would travel. I love getting to know new places and new people.

The only thing is I hate is being a tourist. Let's face it, if you are visiting someplace everyone else is going, is it really special? As cool as seeing the Eiffel Tower or surfing in Hawaii would be, anyone can do that. Being a tourist restricts you to seeing but not experiencing. I want to experience!

So, if I had lots of money I would want to travel to third world countries and serve the wonderful people there. I want to live among the people. That may seem a little strange maybe a little hippyish I don't know but I blame it on the mission.

By living in Ecuador I was able to know the people, see the places away from the world and get to know the real Ecuador rather than just the cool touristy things. It's because of this, I believe that I have such a great love of Ecuador and latin people in general that definitely wasn't there before. Something takes over me when I'm away from home and serving others. I become the person that I've always wanted to be. I become brave, outgoing, diligent, hardworking and happier than ever.

I become more Christlike and that doesn't just make me feel good but those around me benefit as well. Now it may have just been the missionary calling that made all that happen to me but it's going to be a while before I serve another mission so this is what I would like to do in the meantime.

I want to travel to Africa to build houses or schools or whatever.

I want to travel to Asia to teach English.

I want to travel to South American orphanages

to make a differences.

It really doesn't even matter I just want to go and serve those that could use my help. I don't have that much to offer except for a lot of love which I think is important.

Unfortunately even good intentions cost money.

Glee

If you have never watch the show Glee you will have no appreciation for how great this moment was. It may have just been one of the best finales I've seen but then that may just be the hopeless romantic in me.

Finally done, through, finished, finito, free... anyway you to say it, it means the same!!

WHAT?

This is my last class related entry and I could be happier about that.

This week we just worked on our final which I still have a ways to go before I am finished with it,

it means that we are almost done. For our final we have to write two "chunky monkey" lesson plans on how we are going to teach

one of our core curriculum objectives using technology. This has been a very informative class and I have enjoyed learning about all

of the different technologies there are out there and all the fun things you can do with them. The only thing is that it is stressful so

I am so ready to be done, no offense to anyone is intended.

SO WHAT?

We have spent the past semester learning all of these new and maybe not so new things that can make our classrooms more exciting and

appropriate for the digitally native kids that will be coming through our classrooms and I'm grateful that for our final we are using

the basics the things that no matter where we end up and what circumstances we find ourselves in in the future we will need to know

and use on a regular basis.

NOW WHAT?

Now I am going to dedicate the next few days to coming up with a couple of great lesson plans that will rock your socks (positive

thinking can't hurt any) so that I can feel good about the work I have put in to learn a completely foreign subject be better the learning

experience of my students.

Two Years!!!

I can hardly believe that yesterday I celebrated my two year anniversary of being home from my mission. It feels like it couldn't possibly have been that long but then again it's kinda surprising that it's only been that long.
Sometimes I feel a little sad that I don't have much to show for these two years. I really haven't been too productive but I feel that it's getting better. For the first time since I've been home I'm actually grateful to be home. I loved my mission and everything about it but it sure made it hard to come back to real life. I've had to learn all of those things over again which has been an up and down road. I had to learn how to be confident again which was the greatest thing I learned and the hardest thing to lose when I came home. I thought it was gone for good but have found in these last few months that it wasn't gone for good I just had to learn how to use it in real life. I had months where I thought I had finally adjusted but then in a moment became painfully aware that I had not. I think I finally reached that moment last year on my anniversary.
Suddenly I felt different, adjusted, comfortable in what life was now. I think this past year was just getting myself worn in. I feel like I have become a balance between the confident happy person that I learned to be on the mission and the normal person that functions in society :)
I am loving my work and feel pretty good about going to school, overall I would say I'm pretty happy! Tired but happy :)
With that said, I feel as though something's missing.

Kindergarten

Aren't they just so cute. This is the best hour and a half of my day and a great reminder of what I am working for. I love these kids!!!

Do I Believe in Destiny?

Well technically I would say no but my real questions is, am I destined to be a loser the rest of my life?

I mean really, what am I good at? Nothing. It's true that I'm not horrible at everything but do I have any special gifts and talents to boast about? If we are talking about school I think the answer to that would have to be a big fat NO. I've always enjoyed school for the most part but I've never been very good at it. I've never had grades to write home about but lately things have taken a dramatic turn for the worst.

One of the lessons that I learned thanks to the mission was that I can do hard things. So with that same attitude I tend to sign up for potentially fun classes that will be new and exciting. Last year it was advanced Spanish (I spoke the language fluently, sounds like a recipe for success to me!), this semester it's group piano (people make it look so easy!) but sadly they both have gotten the better of me.

I failed so miserably at Spanish that I ended up quitting about a month before finals thinking I was having a mental/emotional breakdown, maybe even losing my mind. I didn't want to quit that close to the end after putting in a semesters worth of work but I seriously couldn't go on.

Piano has proved to be the one class too many for me this semester. I don't want to be a quitter. I want to prove that I can still do hard things. Unfortunately, this class benefits me in no way and I'm so miserable and there is no way I can finish all that is required in the two class periods left (I don't even know what some of the assignments mean) so once again I have proven to be a failure. I can't stick through it, I can't succeed. Potentially this may even prolong may wait to get into the education program (they want hard working smart people) and yet here I sit in the next building over while class is getting started, blogging. Am I really, truly okay with that? Yes, I think I am.

I want to succeed in life but sometimes it's okay to fail as long as I don't let it stop me from doing what I want to do with me life. It makes me feel lousy but I'm only giving up on one class not life, right!

Now, I just need to learn how to tone down the drama :)