Favorite Kid-ism of the Week

As hard as my job can be some days and as much as I can complain about it, there are some things that I love. One of those things is the great things kids have to say. As many of you know the things that come out of their mouths are priceless and down right hilarious!

As part of my job I am on recess duty in charge of the Kindergarten and 1st graders. Their playground area is covered with little tire chips instead of wood chips that of course the kids find absolutely irresistible to pick up and throw at each other. I'm constantly having to tell one child or another to, "put the tires down!"

Well the funny part of this story is that this happened on Friday and when I called the child over to question him this is how it went:

"So, were you throwing tires?"

Silence, which is as good a confession as any but I continued.

"Were you throwing tires?"

Another pause

"Not with my hands!"

Quizzical look

(By now the answer is completely clear but trying to keep a straight face and tired again.)

"O-kay?! Did you throw tires?"

"Well, I didn't want to!"

Again 

"But did you throw tires?"

Sigh 

"Yeah"

Sometimes being the mean teacher has it's perks. If I had just let it go and not talked to him about it I would never get to hear the great excuses. Maybe next time someone gets after me I will just look at them all innocent and say, 

"Well, I didn't want to."

Life Lesson Learned

Due to an unfortunate yet hilarious you probably had to be there incident today at work I have learned that you should NEVER take the lid off a partially frozen bottle of pop. 

Because a large group of our after school extension kids are gone to Clear Creek we had a little party (for lack of a better word) with the remaining lone student. We watched a movie and had some treats. Sounds like the perfect way to end a day to me. Unfortunately we had a partially frozen liter of pop that I took to the sink to open, thinking I'll just take the lid off and let is ooze out instead of doing it a little at a time. I was totally unprepared for the explosion that followed. All of a sudden I couldn't see anything, my hair was dripping ice chunks, my sweater as well as the walls and floor were also dripping with stickiness. 

I stood there in shock wondering what was I going to do and feeling just slightly idiotic when in came my friend Kaitlin. She about died laughing at the sight of me. I'm just glad I didn't have to deal with that cold stickiness all day and I got a pretty good laugh out of it as well. 

Sometimes a good laugh is worth the unintentional idiocy.

Some Serious Slacking Going On!

I have not given up on the blogging world life just seems to be consumed with other interests. Can I just mention how much I love having a little free time in the evenings?! I'm able to go to activities, hang out with friends and finally getting some great reading done! Just last night I finished reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett. If you've never read it I recommend it. Although I felt as though I was never making any progress I was glad because I never got bored and didn't want it to end. I love being able to spend my time with a good book!

I would also like to mention how much I hate TV this season. I'm not a huge TV watcher, what I usually watch is online, but every time I try to watch the shows I usually watch it makes me sick. I've had to give up all but 2-3 shows that I watch because of how bad they have gotten. I'm grateful for this but at the same time am very frustrated that such crap (excuse the language) is not only acceptable but is the norm, almost required for the success of a show. Even the safe shows such as Biggest Loser are so much more frustrating to watch than they are worth. I guess the only thing I can say is thank you Hollywood for making it so easy to walk away!

Aren't you glad to have me back? I promise life right now is going pretty good, I am content and one of these days when I'm ready to spread it across the Internet I'll tell you why :) As for now I hope I'm back from this little hiatus and ready to blog away!

My Favorite Thing

I have a certain accessory that I love to wear above all others. When I wear it it makes me feel classy and feeling classy makes me feel confident. What’s the correlation there? I’m not sure but it’s true. When I need that extra little boost of confidence I always want to wear them and everything else feels pretty good.

I’m talking about my pearls. They certainly aren’t real or anything but I love them. Never has six dollars been so well invested. 

Why Are We So Afraid?

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and 

of love, and of a sound mind”

I hope you will excuse me for a moment as I wax philosophical but I've been thinking about this and wanted to talk about it. 

Why is it that we hold ourselves back from what we really want to do and be because we are afraid? Why is it easier and more comfortable to sit back in the shadows watching life pass you by rather than grabbing the bull by the horns and living your life and making things happen?

I am the one cowering in the shadows more often than not but more and more lately I'm wondering why?

What is wrong with telling people what you really think and feel? What's wrong with asking people how their lives are going? Now I'm not talking about all becoming stalkers and Nosy Noras or telling people they are ugly butt-heads but opening your mouth once in a while and letting people know that you care is something that I think we need more of. 

On my mission I became that sort of person. The one that could tell it to you straight and wasn't afraid of anything (for the most part) and it was liberating. Gone were the days of wanting to say something or ask a question but not being able to open my mouth. They were gone but not for good, coming home brought back the days of being too afraid. It really was one of the things I missed the most but have noticed that the more confidence I get in life the more it's coming back! 

Now it's not all great because I'm sure I've burned a bridge or two and more than one person probably thinks I'm pretty weird but why should I be to afraid to be myself because of those people? 
I used to be embarrassed to have a blog but now I love it. That's liberating. I do things because I want to not because I feel obligated to others. That's liberating. I'm who I want to be not what I think I should be to please others and that's liberating! 
Don't get me wrong there's many things I want to say and do that I keep inside because of fear and there is some of my innocence that I miss. Life is hard and there are countless opportunities to get burned but maybe if we just trusted that things will work out for our good, embarrassing moments and all, life would be great not just good. And I may be wrong but after some time we will most likely laugh about it more often than cry about it and that doesn't seem like such a bad deal. Just remember to act out of love :)

I Swear I'm Not Bipolar

If you are a regular reader of this blog you will probably be ready to start shaking me and yelling, 

"Make Up Your Mind Already!!!!" 

I realize that starting a new schedule can be a love-hate relationship but my pendulum is swinging to both ends of the spectrum on a weekly basis and I've only been in school for two and a half weeks!!

Now this is not a declaration that I love my job again but merely that I have had a fantastic week and I feel "muy contenta"! For those of you that don't speak Spanish you will just have to trust me on this one cause it's the only way to say how I feel. No English word I've thought of gives me the same satisfaction, even the direct translation :)

The reason why is simply because I was productive, social, and outgoing. Traits I've seen before but not usually all together! I've gone to activities, made new friends, socialized with the not so new ones, done laundry and washed my car!

I've come to terms with where I am at in life and that feels really good. It's been awhile and I missed it. I've felt guilty that I'm not going to school and guilty that I'm only working one job and have so much free time. I've felt pathetic that I'm twenty-five years old and living at home.

But, this week I have been free of the guilt and feelings of inferiority and even though it doesn't seem like much I feel that I'm doing exactly what I'm suppose to be doing with my life right now.

Until I figure out what I really want to do in life there is no point in racking up debt and making myself miserable. Being done with work at 3:30 allows me time to do things for others and to socialize which is the first time I have ever wanted to do that :)

Also living at home not only saves me mucho dinero but it allows me to attend a ward that not only I enjoy and feel I belong in but know it's where I'm suppose to be.

I don't know what I was doing with my life for the past two years but it's the first time in a long time that I've felt like this and even if it isn't much I feel like I'm progressing in life and that's a good feeling!

I've missed that!!

A Travesty for Sure!!

I have become more of a normal person!! I know poor me. Just a few post ago I was saying how I didn't like my summer vacations and I liked working so I could have a schedule. I don't know what it was that changed but something did so subtly I didn't even notice until I went back to work. Since that fateful day everything inside me screams NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! whenever I drive up to the school and lasts at least until lunchtime. 

I've always been one to love my job and by love I mean LLLOOOVVVEEE my job! I'm always sad when school gets out in May and count down the days till it starts again in August. Not this year. I counted down the days till school got out in May and was sad when school started up again in August. 

Just as every day gets better as it goes on I'm sure the year will get better as it goes. I should try not to be so feisty and I'm sure that will help. I'll report more later when I'm sure life will be happier and once again I will love my job!

What Makes Me Tick

So I did this on Facebook once and thought it was really fun to think of random things people probably don't know about me. Although this blog is filled with a lot more intimate details of my life than are contained in this list I enjoy coming up with them anyway. I thought I'd start out with my favorite number, 85, and go from there. I kid! I wouldn't do that to you all in one post so here is 25.

1. I love rainy days and Mondays. 

2. I like playing things by ear but at the same time like to have a schedule

3. I love spring time but there is something comforting about fall

4. My biggest pet peeve is people that have no consideration for others

5. I like being talked into things because I love a good adventure but am too big of a wimp to do it on my own

6. How my handwriting looks is important to me. Bad handwriting drives me crazy

7. I love getting to know new people even though I'm not very good at it

8. I love shopping

9. I love old movies, especially anything with Cary Grant

10. If everyone likes something it usually turns me off and I won't like it even if I try

11. Ecuador has and always will have a special hold on my heart

12. I lack self confidence in pretty much any aspect of my life which I think is part of the reason why I have a hard talking loudly

13. I am a dreamer. Literally. I rarely have a night that I don't dream but I've never had a nightmare

14. I like people to be straight forward even though I will most definitely go home and cry. It is better to know where you stand than play the games

15. I have a major fear of hurting people's feelings or making them uncomfortable so unfortunately I'm not able to be as straight forward as I'd like to be

16. I am a hopeless romantic. I always look for and believe in a happy ending

17. I don't do very well in large groups, socially. I'm much better one on one

18. My favorite color is pink but I secretly love the color orange. The red-orange crayon is my favorite crayon in the box

19. My favorite flowers are tulips and daffodils

20. I have a very random memory. I can remember some things exactly how they were and other things not at all. For this reason I can't memorize things

21. My least favorite question people ask is about what kind of music I like. I honestly don't know! It depends on the song and I can't remember song names or artists for anything

22. I have never broken a bone but I have had stitches twice, one of which was after I caught my nose on a vacuum

23. I have phone phobia. I like getting phone calls but panic if I have to call any one, even my closest friends. That's why I love texting

24. I prefer hanging out with guys more than girls, less drama , more easy going random fun.

25. My favorite thing when I go to a restaurant is getting a fun drink

Being a Missionary

So this last Sunday I had to give a talk in church. No big deal. I had three weeks to prepare it and actually find the process to be very enjoyable. I had done my prep work but when it came time to actually write it I was so wrapped up in a show which shall not be named (I've admitted my patheticness!) that it became the farthest thing from my mind. I did get it written but I had no idea how it turned out. I had no idea if it made sense, if it flowed, etc. I was so nervous!

Usually writing a talk is pretty easy and once sacrament meeting is over I'm done and move on. This must have been a message I needed to hear or something because I just keep thinking about it. Parts will run through my mind and I've even gone back and read it again. Nothing particular stands out to me so I don't know what it is but I thought I would share it with you all just for kicks and giggles. 

Sorry it's so long!

All growing up I had thought about serving a mission. I thought it would be really fun to go to a foreign country and learn another language. Unfortunately I also thought missionary work was one of the scariest things about the church. I didn’t like to open my mouth for most things but to open my month and share with a stranger something so personal as my testimony was out of the question! I was so glad girls were not required to serve missions! 

Like most things in life, Heavenly Father had other plans and sent me on a mission to the Ecuador Guayaquil South Mission. It was while I was in the MTC that I came to understand missionary work and learned to love it. That love continued to grow as I got to know, love and teach the people of Ecuador. 

If I had to sum up my mission with one word, it would be love. I’ve often thought how I could describe to someone who hasn’t served a mission what it feels like to be a missionary. It is like Heavenly Father says to you “Come” as you approach he puts his arm around you and says, “ I want to show you what I see!” 

Outside of a parent and child I imagine there isn’t as pure a love as the love we have for those we serve. We care about their lives, their happiness and want them to have the joy and peace of the gospel in their lives regardless of the situation they are in. That is why we serve. 

The great thing about the gospel is that it provides that same opportunity to all of us regardless if we serve full time missions or not. When we are baptized we make covenants with Heavenly Father that we “…are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yeah and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places…” 

Elder Holland tells this story: “A young returned missionary sister from Hong Kong told me recently that when she and her companion asked an investigator if she believed in God, the woman replied, ‘I didn’t until I met a member of your church and observed how she lived.’ What exemplary missionary work! Asking every member to be a missionary is not nearly as crucial as asking every member to be a member!” 

I can testify that this is true from my experience. After the initial shock of being called to Ecuador I became excited to be called to a place where I would meet people that had never heard of the church or of Joseph Smith. I quickly realized my mistake when nearly everyone we talked to knew who we were and knew something about the church. What came as a surprise to me was that they also knew which neighbors were members regardless if they were active or not. This both helped and hindered our work depending on how those members lived their lives. Keeping our covenants and living by the standards set for us we can become powerful instruments in the lords hand to do his work. Missionary work is not the sole responsibility of the full time missionaries. If it were, there would be very little progress. 

So what is our job and how do we accomplish it? 

Elder M. Russell Ballard tells us that the easiest and most effective way to share the gospel is by creating a gospel-sharing home. He teaches us how to do that by first explaining what a gospel sharing home is not. 

A gospel sharing home is not a program. It is a way of life. It means inviting friends and family into the ongoing flow of family and church activities. As we invite our friends to join us for these activities they will also feel the spirit. 

It does not mean that we are going to have to dedicate large amounts of time to meeting and cultivating friends with whom to share the gospel. These friends will come naturally into our lives, and if we are open about our membership in the church from the very beginning, we can easily bring gospel discussions into the relationship with very little risk of being misunderstood. Friends and acquaintances will accept that this is part of who we are, and they will feel free to ask questions. 

It is not defined by whether or not people join the Church as a result of our contact with them. Our opportunity and responsibility are to care, to share, to testify, to invite, and then to allow individuals to decide for themselves. We are blessed when we have invited them to consider the Restoration, regardless of the outcome. 

College age students can create a gospel-sharing home when they adorn the walls of their apartments with pictures that reflect spiritual pursuits instead of the things of the world. I believe we are all at the prime of our lives to do this work. We are constantly meeting new people and being social. Live your lives now so that through your countenance others may see the joy and peace that you have for being faithful members of the church. For having something that they would want in their own lives. 

A testimony is not just in our words it is more importantly in our actions. In D&C 62:3 we receive a promise for bearing our testimonies, “Nevertheless, ye are blessed, for the testimony which ye have borne is recorded in heaven for the angels to look upon; and they rejoice over you and your sins are forgiven you.” 

As well as bearing testimony I have come up with some other ways in which we may help in the work 

· Go out with the missionaries; if you don’t have a lot of time just give them a ride to an appointment. This saves them valuable time. 

· Give pass-a-long cards 

· Write your testimony in a Book of Mormon, give it to a friend or to the missionaries to give to an investigator 

· Give the missionaries a reference 

· Pray for leaders of countries where missionaries are not aloud yet that their hearts will be softened. 

· Befriend a less active member 

· Go about doing good 

· Be prepared to answer questions 

· With a less active or non-member friend visit temple square or drive past the temple. 

· Share an experience that helped your testimony 

· Pray for the missionaries 

· Be a friend! 

· Go visiting/home teaching 

· Pray for your own personal missionary experiences. Pray that they will find you. 

Prayerfully set a date to have someone prepared to meet with missionaries. He is preparing people and will put them in your path if you are prepared. 

· Open your mouth! 

The gospel is centered on the Atonement of our Lord and Savior. The Atonement provides the power to wash away sins, to heal, and to grant eternal life. All the imponderable blessings of the Atonement can be given only to those who live the principles and receive the ordinances of the gospel—faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism, receiving the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. Our great missionary message to the world is that all mankind is invited to be rescued and to enter the fold of the Good Shepherd, even Jesus Christ. 

Our missionary message is strengthened by the knowledge of the Restoration. We know that God speaks to His prophets today, just as he did anciently. We also know that His gospel is administered with the power and authority of the restored priesthood. No other message has such great eternal significance to everyone living on the earth today. All of us need to teach this message to others with power and conviction. It is the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost that testifies through us of the miracle of the Restoration, but first we must open our mouths and testify. We must warn our neighbors. 

We truly are at war with those who mock God and shun the truth, so let us keep our covenants and heed our call to service. Let us marshal all of the Lord’s resources, including the power of our own testimonies. Let them be heard by many more people. Let the spirit of President Joseph F. Smith be in our hearts. Let us say, “I am ready to bear my testimony…at any time, or at any place, or in whatsoever circumstances I may be placed.” We must move forward with the promise that the Spirit will bless us to know what to do and what to say as we assist those who are seeking to know the truth. 

Missionary work is not just our duty but also one of the Lord’s sweetest blessings to be used in his service for the eternal welfare of our brothers and sisters. 

Why I Love Michael Scofield

Well, I have come to embrace my addiction to Prison Break. I debated if it was something I was ready to admit to but here I am. This show has consumed a great deal of my time this week and as a result has me thinking about it a lot. I know it's make believe, trust me, but there is one reason specifically why I love this show. His name is Michael Scofield. He is the main character and putting aside the fact that he is exceptionally good looking I want to talk about his other exceptional qualities. 

He is the kind of person that cares about other people. He will do anything to protect those that he loves including sacrificing himself. He is a man of his word. He is good through and through. He is really smart and can pretty much do anything but never uses that to harm another person, even if that other person is his enemy. He can't stand to see others suffering.

He reminds me of my other favorite character, Robin Hood. Robin Hood had these qualities as well. Granted one of these men was a robber and the other a convicted felon but if more men existed today that shared some of these qualities the world wouldn't be such a bad place. 

I have a hard time with super heroes like Superman or Batman because even though flying and x-ray vision is pretty cool it doesn't really exist. But men like Robin Hood or Michael Scofield, I bet I can find a guy or two that really do exist that could compare. Men that go about doing good and have goodness radiating from their faces, now that's my kind of super hero! 

What Is Wrong With Me!!

So, I have heard from several people about the show Prison Break. I've only heard good things about it so I thought I'd check it out. It came on Netflix as an instant watch so I started watching it while I was in Texas.   This genre of show is not something I watch ever so why I started now I have no idea. It was almost too intense for me. The problem was that there was some intrigue to it that of course drew me in and kept me watching. Mainly some pretty faces :) I watched the whole first season in two days because I became so tense that I didn't want it taking over my life any longer than that. I know I have a problem.

After that I told myself I was not going to keep watching it and it's been almost a month since then. I had even read about what happened in the coming seasons thinking that would satisfy my curiosity and keep me from watching it. Yeah right! Yesterday night I gave into temptation and started season two! Although at first it didn't seem as intense as season one that quickly changed and now I'm back on the edge of my seat. I need help!!!!

Last night I even had a bad dream that one of the escaped convicts (the one that really shouldn't have got out) had come to my school. I tried to play it cool cause I knew if he knew I knew that would be the end of me. So I wrote a note to the principal and excused myself to use the restroom. I ran to the office to give them my note so they could call the police with the least amount of suspicious behavior but he had come up behind me and grabbed the note. He had caught me and I was a dead man!! I never have bad dreams so why am I doing this to myself! What is wrong with me!!!!

So if you are reading this and have never watched Prison Break, don't start. It's good and that's the problem cause once your into it it's hard to stop. Maybe I can find a support group and get back to my English flicks and Cary Grant. Now that is safe territory!!

Disclaimer, Caution, or Warning, take your pick

I was feeling a need to explain myself a little. I don't usually blog when I have something exciting happen in life or I really have something to say (most of the time). Unfortunately I blog when I have nothing in particular to say but I just have a desire to write. Because of this, when I'm writing I have about a dozen thoughts running through my head and I have no idea which ones are coming out. When I'm finished with most of my posts I have no idea what it says, if it makes sense or if I've just embarrassed myself. 

I usually have to go back and reread it a day or two later and fix or delete things. The miracle of it is that I rarely have to do delete things. 

The reason I mention this is so you can understand my writing process cause most of the time when I'm finished I wonder if you all are going to think I'm crazy cause nothing makes sense. So consider yourselves warned and I won't worry anymore :)

Summer Time Blues:The Tale of a Flip-flopped Problem

Most of everyone I know suffers from the occasional blues in the cold wintry months when sunshine is scarce. Who ever heard of having the blues in the wonderful months of summer when sunshine is far and wide, and freedom is savored?!

The answer to that is sadly, me. I'm guess I'm not talking about real serious blues but my freedom is far from savored. There are many things that I love about summer time; laying on the grass, going up the canyon for picnics, my favorite holidays, etc. There is only one aspect of summer that I don't love and that is not having a schedule.

Don't get me wrong, it's great for a few weeks but then it's just not much fun. I'm the type that loves those cold dreary months because it brings purpose, busy schedules and above all friendship. I just need order and structure in my life, is that to much to ask :)

Now for all you people that actually stay busy and work hard throughout the summer, who are probably rolling your eyes about now at my patheticness this wasn't the intent of the post. I just wonder if there are people out there that suffer from can't-enjoy-it-while-you-got-it syndrome?

This summer hasn't really been that bad since I got to take my summer hiatus to Texas but every once in a while I feel those blues coming on. During these summer months Sundays and church become my favorite things. I actually get to socialize a little bit and that is the thing I savor above my vacation freedom. I would never have guessed but I actually like to be social now!

I guess I've been thinking about it because of how much I have loved my Sundays this summer and this last Sunday was a good one. After a long time I actually have responsibilities and new friendships. It really has been a long time and I am so excited for the opportunities that the next months have to offer.

So Good

I was recently reintroduced to the movie Rigoletto. It's one of those movies that I watched when I was little and since then had totally forgot about it. I don't even know what made me remember it but I'm glad I did cause it is such a good movie. The music is fantastic and I have had it in my head for a week now. This is my favorite song so I thought I would share.

Home Again

I'm kind of disappointed in myself that here I have finally had some adventure in my life and I feel I have nothing to write. I guess nothing would be an exaggeration. I guess my problem is that I'm having a hard time finding the right words to describe the time that I spent in Texas. It's a fine line between being to dramatic and cheesy and not getting across how significant this trip was to me.

A little background information might you see why. I'm the kinda person that can never feel totally comfortable in new places with new people as welcome as they make me feel. I'm the kinda person that when I get tired I get ornery and annoyed pretty easily. It's like I take a few days to warm up, enjoy myself for a few more days and then am more than ready to be home. 

It is because of these personality quarks of mine that going to stay with other people for a month totally freaked me out. I just knew that I would wear out my welcome, that we would get on each other's nerves, and after a couple of weeks I would just be dying to get home.

I only mention all of this because the trip that I had was NOTHING like that! I felt at home from my first day and enjoyed every day. When time was up I was not wanting to leave. I loved Texas and hope that someday I may get to move there but what I really loved about the trip was getting to know family that I barely knew before. 

Chesney and I grew up on opposite sides of the country and aren't close in age. I had always enjoyed her company but we really never had much to do with each other. I would like to take a bold step here and say that now that we have spend a lot of time together I would consider her my new best friend.  

Being away from home leaves you completely on your own to make your decisions. Decisions based on what you want and what you want to be rather than on what you've always been and what you think people expect you to be. It's slightly frightening but extremely liberating. I find I like that person much better than the one I am at home and that's why being home is sad. 

I am not saying anything bad about home cause it really is a great place but life here is so predictable and stagnant. I could live my daily life with my eyes closed, no thinking no feeling, just doing. Life is suppose to be exciting and challenging. I'm not talking sky diving and last minute trips to Europe exciting but the excitement of new faces and places. A change of pace is never a bad thing. 

Cooking Up A Storm

Before my mission I really enjoyed cooking. It was fun and I enjoyed trying new things. My weakness is desserts, they are so fun to make. Unfortunately I did little to no cooking in Ecuador and didn't find it very fun when I got home. It was a skill I completely lost (I was reimbursed with about 12 other ones so I'm not complaining) and have slowly had to relearn.

It's taken this long because what fun is it to cook for yourself? Answer: None! Now that I'm here in Texas though I've been able to cook some and have rediscovered how much I love it. I'm having so much fun!

I'm keeping a list of the successful recipes I've made on the side but my two favorite of those are the Lemon Raspberry bars and the Apple Pie. 

I've made about every version of Lemon bar known to mankind because I love lemony things that much but this recipe is my new favorite.

Just look at them:

I've also made lots of apple pies and never found a recipe that I was in love with. That mystery has at last been solved and this will be the recipe of choice from now on! So Good!!!

Up to Something

I've been here in Texas for two weeks now and have two more to go. I worried before I came that I would be staying for too long but now I'm not so sure about that because I am loving it here.

We have been staying busy and taken time to relax and even though that sounds like an oxymoron, it makes for a perfect vacation. We go on some adventures and then take a few days to recover and watch movies, rinse and repeat :) It's sooo much nicer than cramming everything into a few days.

We started out by going to a water park called Hawaiian Falls which got me into a swimsuit for the first time in who knows how many years. I won't even try to comment on that and it's best not to try and picture that one. Let's just say I hate swimsuits and have developed this thing in my old age of really disliking getting wet. I honestly don't know where it came from but I just find getting wet kinda uncomfortable. Despite all of that I really did have a fun time, honest! I enjoyed floating down the lazy river and the wave pool cause that's how adventurous I get sometimes :) My idea of living on the edge was not sun screening my legs hoping to get some color, unfortunately I got the wrong color, Lobster Red! Needless to say, so I'll say it anyway, we were all in pain for days.

The next week we headed down to a family reunion in a small town called Vidor, which is kind of by Houston. The drive down was fun and pretty but I felt like we were in the back woods where the Family Dollar store is hip and teeth are optional. I'm not passing judgement but it was a whole new experience.

It was cool when we got to Vidor because I felt like I had taken a step back in time with all the small shops, forties era cars driving along side you, and roller skating (as in four wheels and a toe break). It was awesome.

I've seen all sorts of nifty things since I've been here like a Walmart parking lot guarded by Mountie envious ladies on horseback and the greatest rest stop of all, Bucees where I got this amazingly awesome shirt*:

I mean seriously, their advertising is priceless

Besides finding humor in odd places we've been watching a lot of Robin Hood. There are a lot of shows that I love but there was never a show as addictive as this show. I do not jest when I say addictive either and at the risk of sounding as pathetic as ever, when the show is over I'm in mourning for days!

* I had no idea that this had an obscene meaning before I bought it, I honestly thought I was just getting a funny random shirt. 

Book Clubs

     This is kinda lame but I was looking at the website for the Orem Public Library and noticed that they have kits you can check out for a book club. They have a list of suggested books that you can check out for six weeks and get as many copies as you need for your group. 

       I don't know why but it makes me really want to join a book group! Perhaps it just might help me stay focused to finish the books I am reading. 

Living Up To My Title

This post isn't any one thing specific but just some things that I have been thinking about. Perhaps a confession or two.

In my very first post I explained a little bit of why I had a blog. I've always enjoyed writing, not the serious, change the world, next great American novel kind of writing, just writing in general. I love writing letters and just writing things down. Not only does it help me make sense of things but it helps me express a voice that people don't normally get to hear from me. The problem with that theory was that it just didn't work out so well. Honestly I didn't enjoy having a blog and I didn't do so well in my computer class because I was a horrible blogger. The reason why I mention all of this is because just in the last week or so something has changed and I love having a blog.

I don't know what that something was but I was reading one of my favorite blogs, The Pioneer Woman and it made me want to have an awesome blog. I'm not a photographer, I can cook but nothing spectacular and I wouldn't want the pressure of having a famous blog but maybe, just maybe I can develop a talent :)

Do you ever have those life-changing epiphanies and moments of personal revelation that makes you feel like life might just actually make sense? Mine come with surprising frequency, like every night while I'm lying in bed waiting to fall asleep. All my great ideas come at once and I feel like I have life figured out and for what I don't quite have figured out I most certainly can conquer, no problem.

The problem is that I fall asleep and the next day if I can remember what I was thinking about I start to wonder what was I smoking?! It seems like crazy thinking but it would be really nice to wake up the next morning and have that same courage and confidence to concur the world. At least my little corner of it.

Maybe I should be writing these things down. If they really are crazy ideas and don't help then maybe I'll just get a good chuckle out of them. Not a bad idea if I say so myself but in all honesty it probably won't happen cause I'm kinda lazy like that :)

Zoo Outing and Other Ego Boosters

Last week I went to the zoo with my friend Amy and her two kids. I can't even remember the last time I went to the zoo, but it was before all the renovations so it's been a while.

My interest in going to the zoo increased significantly in mid April when the 2nd graders went for a field trip. Yes I am pathetic and was jealous that I didn't get to go as well and ever since then I have been really wanting to go. My only problem being, I am childless and it just seems like the place you wouldn't want to go if you weren't accompanying one. So both thinking the other was going as a favor to us, Amy and I headed out with the kids.

It was really fun and we got to see the bird show, the baby elephant and my favorite the giraffes. Being the super lame photographer that I am these are the only pictures that I got...

Amy and her kids.

Me, the kids and the sneezing elephant!

Speaking of Amy and the kids, yesterday while driving home from St. George I got this text and yes I did read it while I was driving! I didn't reply though so it's only half a sin and I don't feel so bad about that :)

Anyway....

Amy: I asked Sarah if she wanted to go the zoo again, here's the conversation that followed:

"I want to go to the zoo with Kaitlin. Not Grandma and Grandpa they are boring. I want to go the the zoo with Kaitlin again."

"Why do you want to go with Kaitlin?"

"Because she is just so cute mommy. Kaitlin is very cute."

A three year old thinks I'm cute and I take that as a great compliment and it made my day!!

New Look

Well after many hours of trying to figure it out I finally have it, a new look! Let's just say I'm grateful for a mother than understands all of this stuff so I'm not stuck with the hum drum llok of before. Hope you like it :)

Worth Remembering

This boy was one of my Kindergartners this past year and putting it mildly, he was difficult. He was a good kid he just had a hard time with school. He loved to give hugs and and on most days was fun to have in class but on more than one occasion I had to pick him up and take him to the office for a time out.

Why is he worth remembering you ask? Well on the very last day of school I went in to help in his class and one of the activities that his teacher was doing was having each child say what their favorite thing about Kindergarten was. There of course was the normal responses of recess, playing, lunch etc. When it was his turn without thinking about it he said his favorite part of Kindergarten was Miss Blocker!

Now to be perfectly honest I dismissed it just thinking, "oh that's cute". But for some reason I've been thinking about it and I'm a little more flattered now than I was then. Granted he is only in Kindergarten so the chances of his even remembering me in the long run are minimal but for now anyway he thinks of me as the best thing about his first year of school!

It's great knowing that I helped someone have a better day :)

My Accidental Hobbie

I didn't set out to be the family photo collector/editor but here I am. It started because I wanted to make movies for Christmas presents last year and surprise surprise, I only got as far as loading and editing pictures. In my defense that's A LOT of pictures to work through!!

As you saw in the last post a lot of those pictures brought us a lot of laughs but there were some that reminded us that sometimes we weren't so bad. Just to defend our honor I share some other pictures with you.....

We used to be cute, maybe.

Maybe this summer I'll get around to finishing those movies :)

Some Real Winners

So Kimberly brought over a box of some of the pictures she had when I was working on the wedding video and I've only now gone through them, which is unfortunate since we came upon some real doosies like this one:

I say this with sisterly love but doesn't she look like a rat? Kylee and I still can't stop laughing over this one :)

But then we decided it must just come by heredity....

Don't worry, all is fair in me saying this cause soon after we found this we found these beauties from a trip we took to Seattle. I won't tell you what movie we were inspired by, you'll have to figure that one out for yourselves.

And just so it would be fair:

I don't know what's worse the fact that I appear so serious about what we are doing or the fact that I used to tuck my shirts in! Hideous!!!

But hey we all need a good laugh now and again :)

Summer Vacation: Day 2

I'm only two days (if you don't count Memorial Day) into my summer vacation and I have to say I have been unusually productive. Knowing it was coming but not realizing it was coming so soon I moved out on Monday. I decided Sunday after church that I was ready to be done with the stress, I started packing that night and by 2:00 Monday afternoon I was done.

I am just moving home for the summer so I can save a little money which I dreaded for a long time, not because I don't like it but because of all the "how old are you?" looks and comments. After all the stress building up the last year though as soon as I had everything out of the apartment it felt like someone hit the release valve and let the stress out. I feel so much better!!

Besides finding places to put things and cleaning I'm starting into my summer reading. I have so many books to read that I don't know where to start. I have my list of books that I just bought that I want to read and then I have all of my books I've just rediscovered in my move that I am anxious to read and remember. It's so exciting!!! I have to be in the mood to read and it comes so rarely these days that I have to embrace it when it does. Luckily it hit me a few months ago and is continuing strong and hopefully will continue throughout the summer.

For the books I have finished I am writing my reviews on the side of the blog for those that are interested in reading. Among the books I'm hoping to concur (I use that word cause they are big) are:

Jane Eyre

Wives and Daughters

and maybe, just maybe Les Miserables.

I don't know if I can emphasis how excited I am about this. I have just been waiting for this day!!

P.S. If you don't have the time to devote to the books at least watch the movies of these two below cause you will not be disappointed. They are great stories but besides that just look at that man on the cover!! He's amazing and well worth your time :)

 *I know this video is kinda cheesy but I think it works nicely since it's kinda hard to find what I want 

Freedom

After a few rough days, as you can tell by my previous posts, school has finally ended and summer vacation has begun!!!

The end of the year is always a bitter sweet thing. Even though your exhausted you seems to only remember the good time that you had throughout the year but not this year. In all honesty this really was a great year. I had a lot of fun, I made lots of friends, I became more confident, I had more responsibility and I enjoyed it all. Despite all of that it was an exhausting year and I wasn't sad to see it end and am relieved to finally have a break. I guess after 5 years of this you begin to realize you will see the kids again in a few month so it's okay.

I am way excited for my summer though because I am determined to have fun, be productive and finish some of the things on my Bucket List. I don't have any definite plans for June just yet but I am looking forward to the Scottish Festival the 9-10. I've never even heard about it before but it sounds like it could be fun and since it's the closest I am going to get to Scotland for a while yet you better believe I'll be there :) June is going to be all my local fun and then for July I'm heading to TEXAS!!!!

It seems to be turning into a yearly tradition to go on a trip and that's pretty cool. Last year I went to Washington DC and this year I'm going to Dallas, Texas! I am going to stay with a cousin who has invited me down (THANK YOU CHESNEY) and am going for a month! I am so excited for this much needed vacation and the chance to see someplace new.

I was a little worried at first not knowing what Texas has to offer but I've been doing some research and there seems to be plenty to keep me busy while I'm there. Maybe if I have too much fun I'll find me a cowboy and just stay :) (I'm joking really I know that would never happen)

JUST MAD!

I'm not really an angry person, I consider myself rather patient person but lately I find myself getting angry a lot. Angry at life, angry at myself, angry at the weather and the stupid snow that ruins everything!! I don't even know why!

It's getting harder and harder to sit by and watch everyone's lives progress while my life continues stagnant. It doesn't even have to do with marriage anymore it's just life in general. I don't know what to do with myself and find my courage to get out and try new things quickly slipping away. Maybe angry isn't the right word but just intensely frustrated.

I hate that I have become a Debbie Downer and every entry on this blog is my venting, it's just getting harder and harder to stay positive when just about everything that I look forward to and am excited about ends badly and I'm just tired of having every hope crushed.

My sister got married last week and I kind of anticipated it being a hard day but as it got closer I became excited and didn't think it would be that bad. That morning at the temple though proved to be as difficult as I had anticipated. It was a nice sealing but I half way through all I could do was concentrate on not crying. It was just sad. I don't know if it was sad because things were changing or if I was just jealous because I could no longer picture myself in that situation. I didn't feel jealous so I don't know. It was a rough morning though.

The rest of the day went all right and by the reception the weather had turned perfect and we had a lot of fun.

Yesterday though was another not so great of day. We went over to Nick and Kimberly's to watch them unwrap presents and got to see the pictures and that was depressing. I hate having pictures with my siblings because I hate standing next to the three of them and being about the size of two of them. Being stressed, frustrated and yes maybe just a little depressed I have been eating more than I should be. I think it made me feel better to know that at least now I had a reason why nobody would want me or even want to go on a date with me cause if I looked like I did when I came home from the mission the only reason would be because of my personality which we have evidence here can be a bit intense, strange, dark, etc. etc. but oh well cause at least I have a couple of friends that tell me otherwise and I value their opinion enough to know that they might be right:) I have bad days, everyone has bad days I'm just dumb enough to publish mine on the Internet. But please don't think it is to get your sympathy because it honestly is not I just need to vent and writing things down is the most therapeutic (I honestly feel a little better already)

Someplace New

In case you've never noticed I tend to be a dreamer. I dream up big plans that will probably never happen but it's fun to think about just the same.

Feeling like I need a big change in my life I've entertained the thought of moving away, maybe even out of state! People do it all the time and it could be really exciting. Problem is, throughout the whole United States, where would I want to go?

So today I was blog stalking cause that's what I do and found this site on someone's blog. It's a quiz you can take and it will tell you the top places you should live.

This is my list:

Hickory, North Carolina

Paris, Tennessee

Salisbury, North Carolina

Clayton, Georgia

Gainesville, Georgia

Maryville, Tennessee

Morganton, North Carolina

Woodbury, Tennessee

Hendersonville, North Carolina

Murray, Kentucky

Hopkinsville, Kentucky

Aiken, South Carolina

Guthrie, Oklahoma

Berea, Kentucky

Mount Airy, North Carolina

Oxford, Mississippi

Guntersville, Alabama

Eufaula, Alabama

Kerrville, Texas

Alexander City, Alabama

Marble Falls, Texas

Clarksdale, Mississippi

Charlottesville, Virginia

Abingdon, Virginia

There must be something about me that screams southern belle or something :) Realizing that I will probably never actually live in any of these places it kind of makes me curious to at least visit and see what they have to offer.

Big Number Birthday

I’m a day away from turning 25 and I can hardly figure out where the time has gone. I remember thinking when I was younger that that seemed so old, that I would be an adult. I could hardly even picture myself as that person and yet in the blink of an eye here I am.

I’m not one to take much stock in birthdays. Sure I like the attention as much as anyone else but I don’t like telling people it’s my birthday so there usually isn’t too much fuss and attention anyway. I don’t understand the need or desire to be forever 29. You should be proud of your age, it signifies your years of experience and hopefully maturity. It certainly isn’t anything to be embarrassed about; it’s just another day and another year. So how come this birthday is turning out to be such an emotional one?

It almost turns to panic when I think back at my life so far and the realization that there is no denying my adulthood and my new found position on the downward slope to thirty and yet I have so few accomplishments.

My crowning achievement in life so far has been the mission. I could go on and on about how wonderful it was and the blessings I received from it. Though it’s hard to point out just one blessing there is one that meant the most and has also given me the most heartache. Being a missionary showed me the kind of person I could be. A person who is confident in oneself. I don’t know if I’d ever felt self-confidence before. I was never all that fond of myself and was sure that I was always looked at as the weirdo in the corner, painfully shy and awkward. As a missionary though I was put into positions where people liked me and wanted to be around me, where the love I felt for others and my desire to serve them outweighed the fear I had in portraying my true feelings. I’m not saying that it was easy and quick, it took a long time and it was so hard but I knew what I was doing and I knew why I was doing it and it made me complete.

My only regret is that I didn’t fully realize it at the time. I took it for granted and thought that that was just how I was going to be from then on. It made me excited for life, knowing that I could conquer anything I chose to do in life. Unfortunately when the badge came off so did all my confidence. Thank goodness it wasn’t accompanied by the same tendencies for depression but it left me scared once again to take charge of my life. I have the desire to do big things but lack the courage to actually go through with it and every time that I don’t I feel the old, better me becoming more of a fantasy. I get so homesick for that and for my other family in Ecuador almost daily and that makes everything I do now feel tedious and pointless.

I wanted to have so much accomplished by this birthday and all I have is one thing. One thing I did well at and didn’t mess up. It was a big thing but it was still just one thing.

I’m taking an institute class from Bro. Robbins. I took a couple of classes from him before my mission and got lucky this semester that he was teaching a class that fit perfectly into my schedule. He is an amazing teacher that is not only passionate about what he is teaching but also direct and loving. There is no sugar coating anything and I love that. I also love the class. It is doctrine of the gospel and is amazing. I have learned so many new and exciting things. I’ve gained a greater knowledge of death and the resurrection, of the judgment and second coming. I never really feared death but now am excited for it. It will be hard to leave this life and the people that we love here but the prospect of removing the veil and the people you’ll meet again as well as the great mission you’ll be serving. I can’t help but be excited for that. I’ll live my life as best and as full as I can but when my time comes I will be ready and willing to go.

In our class yesterday we were learning about the fall of Babylon and the rise of Zion. We talked of the veil and the fact that we are the only ones that have it. Those that came before us in the spirit world and those still waiting to come have no veil. They know everything and they see everything. They can see us and are cheering us on. Brother Robbins looked as us and said with tears in his eyes, “anytime you’re about to go out and do something stupid, think of your kids.” They are watching us and the lives they are coming to depend on us and the choices we make.

A relatively simple statement but powerful to me. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about my kids. I don’t know who they are and what they will be like but I do know that when the time comes for them to join me here I will love them even more than I could possible comprehend at this point. I will be blessed with some of Heavenly Father’s choicest spirits and I know because I feel as though I am being prepared now. Who knows where their father is and what he is up to or when he will show up but whether it be soon or not we will be ready to welcome them into this world and love them as they deserve to be loved.

I'm understanding more everyday the special time that this is to be prepared in the Lord's way for what he needs me to be. My vision is limited for now but knowing I have a purpose as great as that calms me and gives me strength. I can once again become the kind of person I want to be.